Not sure that this will make sense, but it is an "I hate divorce day." Not that I love the thought of it on any day, I most certainly do not. But some days are harder than others. Some days I find myself wondering if my life is the script of a bad talk show or soap opera. Today? Yep, it's one of those days.
Today has even brought a few tears, ok more than a few. And more of what feels like pieces of my heart breaking. These days are the worst. I wonder when they stop? I can't forsee that these feelings will go away tomorow or next month. But, I certainly hope they don't last forever.
Last night, my five year old told me that divorce worried her. I asked why it woried her and secretly told her that it woried me too. She looked so relieved that she wasn't the only one worrying! I smiled for a brief moment, knowing that by listening to her and hearing her, acknowledging her fear, that I had done the right "mom" thing. The only problem is, I kind of want someone to reassure me.
Unfortunately, there isn't anyone who is adequately prepared for that. Some friends and family have had life long or seemingly endless marriages. I always assumed that we, my soon to be ex-husband and I, would be in that group. Other friends and family members have been through a divorce or have parents who were divorced. The advice and encouragement I get from anyone on either side of the great divorce debate is laughable at best.
For some, I just need to give it another try. Problem? I didn't give up in the first place. For others, I see their eyes blaze and they begin their tremendous tale of divorce and making the ex-spouse pay. Yeah, sorry, that's not really my way either.
I'm sort of the calm, collected, quiet type. Maybe that's what got me here, maybe not. I have no desire to make my (do I have to keep saying "soon to be or can I just say ex?) future ex-spouse miserable in his new life. Ultimatley, I want peace. And happiness. For everyone involved. And on days like today, it feels like that goal is too lofty.
I'm determined to make it a reachable goal, but I haven't quite figured out how. For now? I'm going to get ready to make the best Valentine's Day card boxes that kindergarten and first grade have ever seen!
Hoping for a better tomorow....
A trip through the world of divorce....learning how to face the hurt, heal the heartache, and start a "new normal" with three amazing little girls. Good days, bad days, bumps in the road, and roadblocks in life. All of it will be right here, in this blog, as I figure out the new plan for my life. All of it here, so that someday, when the "new normal" is just "normal," I can look back and realize how far all of us have come.
That’s true. No one would wish to end their marriage due to small issues. But for unfortunate events and major problems, it is often seen as the lesser evil. Unfortunately, the most affected by it are the children. It’s a good thing that your daughter voiced her thoughts about the matter. This will make things easier for you to guide her, because you know exactly how she feels. How are you now, btw?
ReplyDeleteJoanne Krueger @ Kurtz & Blum